The Cost of Pretending at Work: How Ignoring My True Self Led to a Career Crisis (And How You Can Avoid the Same Mistake)

Let me tell you my story. It’s a cautionary tale of what happens when you’re not aligned with your true self.

I was in a job I loved, surrounded by people I admired, and earning recognition from top management. On the outside, everything looked perfect.

But while my passion for coaching and empowering women grew, I got further from my dream of finishing my book, The Nature of Transformation.

Nearly two years had passed since I last touched the manuscript.

Then, I received an offer I couldn’t refuse— a promotion. Everyone I sought advice from said the same thing: “Go for it,” so I did.

What followed was 18 months of professional torture. I went from being a top performer to feeling isolated and criticized in a toxic environment.

My trauma response? Freeze.

And I wasn’t alone.

My entire team seemed stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode. Looking back, I’m not sure I’d make the same choice again. But those 18 months were a catalyst for me to embrace my authenticity.

I firmly believe that when you stray too far from your true self, the universe sends obstacles to wake you up.

Sometimes they’re subtle hints, but if you ignore them, a full-blown crisis will force you to realign. After the healing that kind of trauma requires, I reconnected with my authentic self.

I embraced my skills, found my passion, and began living my values. I created The Empowered Woman’s Playbook to help women identify what lights them up and brings them joy—before the universe delivers an unwanted crisis.

In today’s fast-paced and often demanding work environments, it’s easy to lose sight of who we truly are in the pursuit of success. Yet, authenticity—the practice of aligning your values, beliefs, and actions—can be the key to thriving both personally and professionally. 

Explore below what it means to be authentic in the workplace, how to uncover and embrace your true self, and the powerful benefits that come from showing up authentically, from fostering trust to enhancing your experience.

Now, let’s talk about why authenticity matters and how it can help you avoid the same painful mistake.

Why Authenticity at Work Matters

In today’s fast-paced, high-pressure work environments, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are. We get caught up in the chase for success, titles, and recognition.

But here's the truth:

If you're not being true to yourself, success will feel empty.

Authenticity is all about aligning your values, beliefs, and actions. It’s about showing up as you really are, not just who you think you should be.

When you do that, everything changes.

You stop surviving and start thriving, both professionally and personally.

But what does being authentic at work really mean?

How do you do it without feeling vulnerable or exposed?

Defining Authenticity in the Workplace

Authenticity at work is more than just “being yourself.” It’s about making sure your actions and decisions reflect your core values. 

It's about being honest and transparent while still being respectful of the people and environment around you.

When leaders and employees show up authentically, they make decisions rooted in integrity. This leads to more thoughtful, ethical, and consistent choices.

And guess what?

That creates a ripple effect. Authentic decision-making fosters trust and openness in the workplace, empowering others to contribute more meaningfully.

In a culture where people feel safe to be their true selves, the magic happens— everyone feels MORE aligned, MORE motivated, and MORE connected to the company’s vision.

What Happens When You Ignore Your True Self

So, what exactly happens when you pretend for too long?

1. Emotional Exhaustion – The constant act of putting on a facade drains you emotionally. You feel fatigued, even after a “good” day.

2. Loss of Passion – When you’re pretending, work starts to feel like just another chore. The passion you once had disappears because you’re not aligned with your real values.

3. Self-Doubt – The more you fake it, the more disconnected you become from your real self. This leads to self-doubt. You wonder if you’re even good at what you do, or if you ever were.

4. Career Stagnation – Pretending to be someone you’re not may help you get ahead for a while, but long-term, it holds you back. Authentic leaders are the ones who thrive, and when you aren’t living authentically, you can’t fully step into your potential.

How to Uncover and Embrace Your True Self

The first step to living authentically at work is to figure out who you are underneath the roles and titles.

Here’s how you can start:

1. Self-Reflection: Spend time reflecting on your core values, passions, and strengths. What truly matters to you? What lights you up? Ask yourself how closely your current actions and decisions align with those values.

2. Journaling or Meditation: These practices can help deepen your understanding of yourself. Sometimes, you need to quiet the external noise to hear your inner voice.

3. Identify Areas of Conformity: Take a good look at where in your life or work you may be conforming to others' expectations instead of following your own instincts. Where are you playing small to fit in?

4. Take Small Authentic Steps: Start making decisions and taking actions that align with your true desires. They don’t have to be big. Even small shifts—saying “no” to a project that doesn’t align with your values or expressing a different opinion in a meeting—can make a huge difference.

5. Surround Yourself with Authentic People: Authenticity breeds authenticity. Seek out mentors, colleagues, or communities where people value transparency and integrity.

The Powerful Benefits of Showing Up Authentically At Work

When you show up authentically at work, here’s what happens:

• You Build Trust: Authenticity fosters trust, which is the foundation of all strong relationships—whether with colleagues, leaders, or clients.

• Better Collaboration: Being real leads to open communication, which makes teams work better together. No one has to guess where you stand.

• Empathy and Confidence in Leadership: If you’re a leader, being authentic enhances your credibility and allows you to lead with empathy. When people see that you’re real, they respect you more, which boosts your confidence.

• A More Motivated Team: Authenticity empowers others to bring their true selves to work, which creates a more cohesive, engaged, and motivated team.

Final Thoughts

Pretending at work comes at a high cost. It can lead to burnout, a career crisis, or worse—a life lived unfulfilled.

But the good news? You don’t have to wait for a crisis to course-correct.

Start by embracing your authentic self today. Align your actions with your values. Take small steps to live more authentically, and watch as your career, your relationships, and your sense of purpose start to thrive.

The universe has a way of waking us up when we’re off track. But this time, you can wake up on your own terms.